Today is the month of September. In just a few days, I’ll be celebrating my 1st anniversary working in this institution. Many things had happened since the day I started here. Things have been rewarding – financial, personal and social investments, I should say. Life has become generous to me. And I’m very thankful for that.
And then I saw this: “If you just won a million pesos, would you quit your job?”
To tell you, I am not practicing what I took in college. I am a medical professional (physical therapist) but my job is more focused on doing administrative works and oversee the daily operation of the hospital. Occasionally, I get treatment schedule with patients but admin work is still my first priority. Plus, in the hospital where I work, seldom do they have patients referred for PT. Most of the time I stay on my desk, doing some reports and computing budget allocations. Workload is just fine. I can meet the deadlines and demands. In terms of salary, it is above the minimum but not high enough to make you buy everything you want. It is just enough for everyday living. Working atmosphere is just average. People, as much as possible, try to get along with each other. And I think that is good.
Knowing that I’m not practicing my profession, it is easy to conclude that I’ll just quit my job, right? But that is not the case. Yes, physical therapy profession in our country is not as financially rewarding unlike working abroad. Physical therapists share the same fate with the nurses except that the latter’s demand for employment has declined. There’s no other way to be financially wealthy, as a clinician, other than going abroad. But I don't want to work there. I can settle here, and find a PT-related job that economically satisfies me and my family. As I kept mentioning to my friends, I want to see my house being built here, drive my car around the streets where I learned to ride my bike and see my children being raised on the land where I grew up.
Going back, another thing present in my job is corruption. It is blatant and everyone in the office just seems to neglect it. My boss keeps it but everyone knows about. An open secret in short. This is actually my greatest challenge. Like everyone who’s idealistic and dreams of a society functioning as a whole, I am determined to get rid of it even just on my workplace. All my school life, I have been living the idealistic system of democratic governance - being transparent to funds, being able to question and all. Then when I get to the real world this is what it’s going to be? And even tell me to just accept the fact as it has been the practice of everyone and everywhere? It’s very ironic. Para saan pa ang pinaggagawa naming sa eskwela kung gano’n din lang pala? I have been obvious in the office that I don’t (and will ever) tolerate it, questioning reports and pointing out wrong and erroneous doings of my boss. These things, at the time when I was aggressive in doing so, made my office life difficult and quitting. Even my colleagues in the office are telling me that that has been the practice so I can’t do anything. I was really about to quit. But an advice from a good mentor told me to just dance as my boss says so, wait for my turn to become the one in-charge and then I’ll do what is best. And so I wait.
Considering all, will I quit my job for 1 million pesos?
Today, I’m saying no. There are still things I want to experience in this field – dealing with seniors and subordinates, analyzing how such system works (including those that make things complicated) and broadening my views to the working environment. Diversity - of ideas, attitudes and cultures – has its own way of brilliance. Making life hard to deal with but you still win because you discover so many things around it. 
But from the moment I received the million pesos, I will start investing and build my livestock/ poultry business. I would start getting short courses on business and those related to my profession. Nothing still beats the feeling of seeing how great your patient has been from the moment you met her. If things work out well with the business, I might just start my own clinic. And as my leisure, I’ll be a photographer, immortalizing moments that would somehow remind people how excellent life can be.
By that time, I’ll be in-charge of my own business, of my own clinic, of my own society. By then, I’ll be appreciating all the great lessons about work – the diversity of people, the possibilities for change, and the pleasures of challenge – and then I’ll quit this job.
Regression, according to psychoanalyst Sigmund Freud, is a defense mechanism leading to the temporary or long-term reversion of the ego to an earlier stage of development rather than handling unacceptable impulses in a more adult way.
...and I'm not talking about my weight.
My siblings and I are close. I guess that's the simplest statement to start this entry. We grew up sleeping in the same bed. We played luksong baka, piko, jackstone, habulan, tumbang preso, jerbase, chinese garter and all those shizzles together (yes even my only brother played jackstone). We went to the same school. We just lived together everyday of our childhood lives.
Until we grew up to have our own lives, our own friends, our own priorities as mature persons, and being the youngest, I am most affected by this. Now that my siblings are starting to have their own families, my immature self feels like being left alone. I have always been with them most of my life and now that one by one, they're starting to build their lives without me in the picture, a part of me feels extremely sad, even bummer is an understatement.
This is my life, it’s all drama, but I never get tired of dealing with it.
To you mom, I will never give up.
Three years ago, on this day, I was excited for my first day of internship in a rehab hospital in Quezon City. There were lots of firsts on that time: first time to be with clinicians, to handle patients, be with PT students coming from other schools. First time to practice what we've learned for the past 4 years, to handle actual patients. I was really enthusiastic at that time, ready to try different stuffs on the patient. And it was also my first time to celebrate my birthday at "work".
It wasn't really a big deal. I'm celebrating my birthday anyway. Most of the time, I just hear a mass and the day is nothing but regular.
For over three years, my list of "first's" continued to lengthen: out-of-the-country trip (which is my first plane ride also), Disneyland, vote on a national election, try slide-for-life, job interview, pay slip, photoshoot, fire a gun, write a blog, and visit foreign places. Worth noting was also the first time I paid the bills at home. Of all experiences, the most challenging would be rappelling that 120-ft mountain ridge in Tarlac and the best would be my first interview on live TV. And my camera would be the best thing I ever had.
Of course, not all would be good. I also had my first experience of losing my phone, seeing corruption right in front of me, note experiencing Christmas Eve and New Year's Eve with my family and moving out from home. It was so depressing. Really.
In just 2 days, I'll be gaining another year. And my passion for "firsts" is just starting.
Thank you for these years.
My uncle passed away today.
He wasn't the best uncle. All my life, I never really felt he's one.
He wasn't the best brother to my mom. I remember my mother narrating how my uncle (her eldest brother) would physically hurt him whenever she was caught with a man back in her teenage years. My mother almost literally sustained him and his family, giving him money when he has none and paying for all his hospital bills because he didn't have any savings of his own. This uncle of mine sold our small business then, the business my parents worked hard for, all for his good.
He wasn't the best son to my lola. He hurt my lola so many times with his rude words and behavior. He even asked my lola to leave HER own house after some misunderstanding, that's why she's lived with us from then on.
He wasn't the best husband and father. He went abroad when his kids were still young and never came back as a father for them. He had a daughter with another woman and his legit family had to live their lives without him. My legit cousins had to stop school and start working to support themselves.
I hated him for not being a good man. When I knew he was nearing his time, I wasn't really struck and just accepted it casually.
But when I saw him already lifeless, it hit me. It pierced my heart bull's eye. Nothing really matters now but my uncle, a brother so loved by my mom, a son so treasured by my lola, my uncle who is part of my family.
RIP, Kaka. I pray you find your peace.
Choice is a hand of freedom, either we make the worst one or the best fulfilling pick. Once we make these options we gain experience, and when we fail we learn from it.