Dry Run

Words were cluttered and emotions were blurred for it was a tense with excitement; it was the perfect feeling to finally meet you. I waved my hand and smiled at you, and then you walked with me to share our outlying emotions that we’ve been holding back. Gazing was my verb, for my eyes won’t stop creating a story while you talk and never have I imagined that monochrome sight would dust into pixel of colours. It was not just a precious time at that moment but intended for a lifetime lock that only two of us would be able to unchain. Every detail was clear that gave a deep meaning to the grounds of my love.

I care so much about your struggles of pulling your arrow to its right path. I simply love the way you smile with the nice birth mark on your lips which is enticing to kiss and even pouting your lips is remarkably distinguish. I get stun every time you do the cross-eyed trick that you won’t allow me to record but its fine for we share a memorable laugh. I enjoy seeing your cute tantrums when I don’t allow you to mess up my hair. I like the way you squeeze me with your arms locking our fingers together. They are not continuity of my ‘because’ for reasons are fed by the mind and so, I love you by its meaning.

All the while I thought it was the start of our own label when you said ‘I love you’, but when you uttered ‘parang tayo pero hindi’ gave me a stop to think. I wasn’t sure if I had to have a second thought or will just ask you. And so I asked what’s these all about because the day I chose to live the moment with you was a decision to drop all my fears, but your words were telling me to pickup those what I just waste on my sides. I nearly gave up my feelings for I only wished was your time that made me like a stranger asking for alms.

My love is the truth and I hope that all of this wouldn’t be just a lie trapped in a longing relationship for that isn’t a true love. I love not ‘because’ rather I love you followed by its meaning. It isn’t just a snap of thoughts; it is a strike of a sudden rush from a root that builds up an endless feeling. Now, I get this paranoia of the clock ticking that keeps me from thinking that you’re fading anytime soon.

Please read & listen for each letter I type now will be ended in a while. “You are a genuine gift with a heartbeat and a fragile shadow. I may not be a priority to you right now, but I hope you soon unwrap your box for the moment you will be open is the valuable time that true love will enfold you naturally. I am not a temporary, I hand my love for a lifetime. I love you.”

3...2...1...CUT!

Happy Fathers' Day, Brother

I'm not sure why it dawns to me only now that my only brother is already a father.

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He's the only son, a three girls' only brother. Kuya and I were close in a different way -- we're the family's cat and dog. He was a bully, like any other little boy, and since I'm the youngest, the helpless one, the crybaby, I was always his favorite subject. While I'm having fun playing doll, he would get them and play with me -- but he never played them as female dolls, because he let them wrestle. He treated my dolls as wrestlers, as stuntwomans, as action figures with boobs.

But seriously speaking, I consider Kuya as the brightest and most intelligent among us. He's the kind of student who relies mainly on his stock knowledge, and he does it good. He was always at the top of his class, until he liked girls, and as I outgrew dolls, I saw Kuya become a young man. I saw him court girls at school, but I never heard (and he didn't perhaps tell us) that he already had an official girlfriend. Until finally, he had a serious one.

Kuya loved her so much, and after highschool, Kuya was 17 then, he had her pregnant. The girl, being 16, was sent abroad out of her parent's grudge for my brother. He seemed to be the most hated person by the girl's family. I read Kuya's letter for my parents asking for apology for the frustrations he's brought to the family. Months passed and one day Kuya received an overseas phone call, saying that his kid's being delivered right at that moment. I'm proud to say I was there when I saw Kuya's eyes brigthened up, as he told me, it's February 12 today. He's officially a father, and that was eight years ago.

A lot of things happened since then between Kuya and the girl until they broke up. The son has to live with the mom. Kuya had to go abroad to fix his life and there, he met another girl, and he married her, and they had a daughter. It was probably because Kuya didn't see his son grow up, he focused his father-like being with his daughter who's with him now.

Seriously, I still can't believe Kuya's a father now, but I cannot be more proud that at his young age of 26, he already has his own house and car, he's saved for his kids' future, and more importantly he has a wonderful wife and beautiful daughter. He's having a great time taking care of her wife and daughter and just like our Tatay, he's always his daughter's private tutor and he's effective at that as my niece, at three, already knows the alphabet and already writes her name. It's still sad that Kuya's eldest doesn't live with him but I'm sure that wherever that bibo kid goes, he can never deny he's his father's. It's just amazingly unbelievable how much of Kuya he has in him.

Happy Fathers' Day, Kuya. I know you've been wanting to hear this from me, and I'm saying it now, you're the best Kuya I have. I'm just so proud of how successful you've become, though not as a professional, but as a person, as a husband, and as a father to your beautiful kids. You didn't finish school but you were never a disappointment for making Inay and Tatay proud grandparents.

p.s. FYI I first knew about my profession through my brother. He had a motorcycle accident back in 2001 (I was 13), and I was with him when he was having his therapy. For this, I thank you more, Kuya.

five-ten-ten

Early this month, I was able to share my time with strangers. But from the time we realized we were standing on the same ground with the same intention, it has been easy and light. We lost ourselves. And we were no longer strangers. Thank you for this place.